Editor's Note: This is just a repost from a blog I used to run. The original post date was 17 October 2008. The original title was Miserable Relationships, but I thoroughly enjoy its new title more!
Which is worse: being single and lonely? Or, in a relationship and miserable?
I have to admit, as I started this poll, I was probably a bit biased in my views. Realize, I have never been in a relationship -- ever. I'll allow you to guess what my personal view was at the time.
However, after conducting my mini-poll, it seems that my personal view might have been a bit skewed from what many others thought.
I've already stated that I have never been in a relationship before. Some may view this as the reason why I would vote towards 'Single and Lonely'. On the contrary. Well, not so much contrary, but let me explain myself. I've never been one who was on the hunt or prowl for a relationship. I always grew up waiting for my storybook (more specifically, my Disney story) relationship -- that's another blog in itself that will come soon. But I always wanted to be independent. I didn't want someone else to come along and be my 'other half' to make me whole. I want to be someone who is happy on my own before I start a relationship expecting them to make me happy. I personally believe that someone who is depressed, saddened, lonely, or has any of those other less-than-desirable feelings, is not one who will attract what they hope to find out there. I want to be stable in almost every aspect of my life before I try to commit to one person; be it financial, physical, emotional, or career related. So, I never felt lonely. At least not in the aspect I was referring to.
But still, why did I think that the loner boner was the worse of two evils? I guess I should have put a few caveats out there about the intentions of my study and what, specifically, I was looking for and how I intended each word to be interpreted.
When it comes to myself, I don't feel I am a lonely person. I think of the lonely person as one who WANTS to be in a relationship. Don't get me wrong, there are times when I think to myself, 'Damn, this sucks.' But I'm usually referring to skin-to-skin contact. All I usually have to do is bag one for the night and I'm good for another few months or so. LOL (TMI maybe? Nah, never!) But I've never wanted so bad to be in a relationship that I signed up for websites like Match.com, eHarmony.com, or Chemistry.com to find someone to 'complete me'. So, when I used the term 'lonely', I meant someone who wants a relationship so bad, it makes them miserable.
On the other side of the coin, when I used the word 'relationship', I was leaning more towards relationships that were longer than six months and had quite a bit of time, emotions, feelings and even money invested. I will say that from the few comments left on the poll page, most people assumed the same.
Enough blabbering from me, I'll cut to the results.
A whopping 35 people voted on my poll. Thanks to those who did. Special shout outs to Ann, Julian, Mo, Nay and Luis. These were the five that left comments. Greatly appreciated!
Approximately 3:1 voted that being 'in a relationship and miserable' was worse than being 'single and lonely'.
Click here for poll results.
Now, after seeing the results, and especially the comments, I took a step back to try and encompass why most people would say that a miserable relationship was worse than being single and feeling lonely. I will admit that the comments left were definitely what turned me on the right path to enlightenment.
There are many things that can turn a relationship into one way lane to misery. After all, misery does love company; so why not a couple? For the sake of this blog, I will attempt to focus more on why people stay in a relationship as opposed to where misery begins.
My number one pick is comfort. Does it not make sense? When people are in relationships, they acquire a routine; they know the ins and outs of their partner. Familiarity even. Or, the fear of never being intimate with another is somewhat misted and blocked because, even in a bad relationship, that slight elbow nudge in bed, or the accidental spoon position in the middle of the night, might be just enough skin-to-skin contact that is necessary to ease the mind. I think that maybe I hit the right note when I used the word fear. Once someone has somebody, they fear they will never find another who will love them as much.
I think another major reason for sticking it out in a miserable relationship is financial stability. I mean, let's think about it. How many friends do you have in relationships in which one has more take home income than the other? I personally know quite a few. Now, how many people do you know in which one partner earns much more, and they live together? Finances play a major role in relationships, no matter how much love was, or even is still, there.
There are many other factors. Some people are blinded by lust, mistaking it for love. Hope. Some people hold on to hope with the expectation that things will turn around. The list goes on and on.
As to why I expected 'Single and Alone' would have dominated in this poll... well, quite honestly, it can be a big suck-fest if you let that loneliness eat you inside out. There are so many out there who LUST FOR LOVE. I repeat LUST FOR LOVE. Why? Why? WHY?
With this, I finally end my first blog. I hope that it was coherent enough. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to hear some feedback on this blog. Until next time, have a great day.
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